Feeling Like an Imposter

I’ve been studying Spanish.  There are wonderful free programs online and apps available for phones that allow you to study a variety of languages.  I learn by translating from English to Spanish, from Spanish to English, and occasionally, I’m called to speak the language into my phone.  I thought the hardest part would be remembering words or following quickly spoken sentences.  I was wrong. 

The hardest part of learning a language is the embarrassment of speaking it aloud, when I’m sure that it will be wrong and that even if I get the words right, I will sound foolish.  Since then, I’ve been conscious of the bravery of folks who learn to speak English.  Every heavily accented and broken sentence is an act of courage. 

The process has made me think about the way we learn our faith.  Studying the Bible, delving deeper into worship, developing your spiritual practice, and thinking about the interaction of faith and life can all feel odd at first.  But learning anything feels a little like failure and a little like faking it. Recognize it for what it is, the human experience.  We’re all learning.  We’re all trying.  We’ll all need to try again. 

As proof, I’ll leave you with this anecdote from author, Neil Gaiman:
“Some years ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.
On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, ‘I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.’
And I said, ‘Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.’
And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.” 
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